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Dog Jokes

Purebred Police Dog

A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
"Purebred Police Dog $25."

Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered
the dog to be delivered.

The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the
mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.

In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad,
"How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"

"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied,
"He's in the Secret Service."

How To Photograph A Puppy

1. Remove film from box and load camera.

2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

4. Choose a suitable background for photo.

5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

Dog Letters To God

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Religious Puppies

A woman brought a litter of Golden Retriever puppies to the veterinary clinic for inoculations and deworming. As the look alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, the veterinarian realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. The veterinarian turned on the water faucet, wet her fingers, and moistened each dog's head when she had finished.

Dog Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes
mine.

10. If its broken, it's yours.

Christmas Watchdog

Tonight's my first night as a watchdog and here it is Christmas Eve The children are sleeping all cozy upstairs, While I'm guardin' the stockin's and tree.

What's that now? Footsteps on the rooftop? Could it be a cat or mouse? Who's this down the chimney? A thief with a beard and a big sack for robbin' the house?

I'm barkin', I'm growlin', I'm bitin' his butt. He howls and jumps back in his sleigh. I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air! I've frightened the whole bunch away!

Dog Creation

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the Earth to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

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